Many times it happens that people call me asking help for their loved ones. They tell me things like “my brother has a problem with alcohol”, “my child is doing drugs”, or “my loved one is depressed and I don’t recognise her anymore”. My first question is “does he/she want to start therapy?“. Unfortunately most of the time the answer is no.
As family, we can see the struggles of our loved ones and it hurts us seeing them suffer. We can see what they could do to feel better and we try to give them advice, but many times in vain. It seems like our message doesn't get to them, and we might even feel hopeless. How can we live seeing our loved ones suffering? How can we be there for them and show our love and support? How can we accept them as they are and inspire them to grow?
For me this is the question of freedom, my own freedom and the freedom of the other. Freedom is intimately related with the question and the choice of “who am I?”, “who are we?”, “who are you?” the question of one’s own identity. As Frank Ambrosio says “Freedom determines who I am; it is nothing other than the capacity to have an identity which is genuinely one's own.”
This implies that the other is free to choose his/her own way, to choose his/her own identity. And here we are facing the dilemma of my own freedom and your freedom. Where does my freedom end and yours begins?
As Octavio Paz says: “Today I would say: Love is a bet, a wild one, placed on freedom. Not my own; the freedom of the other." (Octavio Paz, The Double Flame, p.66-67). Love and trust the other, that he/she will be able to overcome the struggles that he/she is confronted with. Have trust in their capacities and their own longing for happiness and wellbeing, this is a way in which we can be close to our loved ones when they suffer but refuse our help, a way to inspire them to see in themselves the longing for happiness, and the strength to change.
And more, start your own therapeutic process, to deal with the pain of seeing your loved one suffering, to find ways of being there for him/her and inspire them through your living example.
Bet on love, which is always deep inside our hearts, encouraging us to seek happiness, peace and health.